My lifelong project for a better
|
-
A Year of Growth in My Out and Proud Lesbianism
-
A year means another edification of my life. A year lays out a structured path for me to grow more confidently out of my inner world and provides a timetable for me to assess my progress.
Personality is made of temperaments and characters. Although temperaments are innate and have to do with genetics, I am eager to work on modification of my characters to embrace and accept myself securely as a prerequisite for the next level about helping others and the LGBT community. Since last National Coming Out Day (NCOD), I’ve constantly tried my best to obtain as much self-help LGBT-related information as possible. This approach I took really had a positive effect on my personal growth and identity acceptance because I could feel myself a brighter and more confident person than last year. I never imperatively push myself to do anything that I am not ready since it could easily hurt the already weak ego as a “baby lesbian? I let soul decide which directions to go without a pressured timetable and I constantly provide the resource and access available for my soul to search for its place whenever needed. Just like the foreign language immersion program, I want my identity to grow fully, naturally and healthily by immersing myself in a positive LGBT environment and with healthy and correct LGBT inputs.
Although the NCOD is a socio-political movement to make LGBT people have a sense of mission to contribute in society, coming out is very personal and you can have your own NCOD on any day, any time, and anywhere by listening your own pace.
I don’t want to see the LGBT movement to be another ephemeral social phenomenon like the
Dadaism in the early 20th century, which aimed to undermine and expose what the dadaists saw as decaying European society filled with staleness and conventions. They conveyed their thoughts through the expression of surrealistic arts and literatures without specific boundaries to distinguish one art form from another. They aren’t content to create eternal works and deliberately allowed their works to be unpreserved and gone with the wind. On the contrary, LGBT activism not only has to bring the social homophobic stigmatization to everyone’s consciousness to reevaluate the morality of this socially wrongdoing, LGBT activism also aims that all past and present efforts can have synergistic effects in the process of achieving a better future with social equality and justice for us. Bigotry should eventually evaporate as people gradually develop their awareness of the cruelty and intolerance they have unfairly imposed upon LGBT victims. How long will this beautiful dream of quality come true is unknown, but, at least, the goal is there and I’ll aim to march ahead until my last breath of life.
I remember a little more than a year ago, I was not secure enough to identify my lesbianism to both self and others. It was a very period comparing to that I am now since I was very much reliant on other people’s thoughts and opinions. It would be a slippery slop to develop an injurious self and devalue my existence. When hearing some kind of homophonic whisperings or bold anti-gay statements, my rage, back then, had nowhere to release because I had my own homophobia, too. I am very glad to be able to come to my current state as a proud and happy lesbian who has fully accept her identity without too much fear of rejection in society. I know that I am doing the right thing for myself and also for the LGBT population. I know who I am and am happy and securely to be myself.
I would not conceal my sexual orientation to others but that does not mean I would go out and tell every single person that I am gay. This is just like heterosexuals would not go out and tell everyone else their heterosexuality. I am more concern about the other person’s psychological stability in learning I am gay. From the transference and counter-transference of my relationship with the person, I would have to judge whether this person is capable of understanding and accepting the LGBT culture and issues. I would observe the person’s feelings and openness before revealing my own story. In doing so, I have two points: one is for self-protection, and the other is to protect the other person’s stability and tolerance.
As a quote from a French poet, Paul Eluard, he wrote, ?lt;i>Voir le monde comme je suis, non comme il
est.?I realize I’ve developed a sense of “I-ness?when viewing the world rather than depending upon other people’s manipulation on my passive behaviors. From the self-observation about the change I’ve made since the past year from the lack of self-confidence to the current firmness in my sexual orientation by having the ability to protect others when deciding whether or not to come out, I believe I’ve made a big step in my life with promise and achievable dreams.
-
Alice on Oct. 11, 2003 in Los Angeles
|
-
The National Coming Out Day in 2003
-
Another year has gone by so fast and the world topography of LGBT rights has changed its shape in a positive way since my first self-acceptance of the lesbian identity! I hesitate to count down my life expectancy as time flies so fast like this and I don’t have enough time to participate and advocate for more LGBT rights and share the sweetness of the progress made to provide the LGBT population a safer place and preserve them a dignifying lives.
So many events have taken place since I wrote my coming out story a year ago on the National Coming Out Day. This summer was a landmark for all LGBT people to celebrate what is eventually coming to term in LGBT rights after a long period of struggle. In Canada, the recognition of the gay and lesbian marriage was passed and makes Canada the 3rd country with such a law after Netherland and Belgium. In the US, the passing of the anti-sodomy law after decades of debate allows LGBT people to have their consensual sexual relationship with their significant others without fearing of governmental intrusions. In August, the US Anglican Church elected the first openly gay bishop of New Hampshire, Gene Robinson, and this shows a great step of tolerate and respect for LGBT people by religious institutions. Also, this fall, the opening of the Harvey Milk High School, the first gay public high school in New York City, provides LGBT youths with a safe environment to study and protects them from hate crimes and other unnecessary physical or psychological injuries that are commonly reported in heterosexual schools. Last but not least, California Gov. Gray Davis signed a landmark law on Sep. 19 that gives same-sex domestic partners nearly all of the rights and responsibilities granted to married couples in the state. This is behind Vermont as the 2nd State to grand such a legal recognition to same-sex couples.
Shifting to the Eastern part of the world, Taiwan president Chen Shui-bian said on Sep. 7, that he considers and supports the country’s death penalty and legalization of gay marriage by drafting the Human Rights Basic Law to create a gay-friendly environment for the peace-searching Formosa. Although the fate of his proposal is still unknown, at least, here is an initiation to guide the country forward.
No wonder, as coined from the editor of the Girlfriends Magazine in September, this summer was the “Summer of Gays? I am proud to be a part of the community and would constantly strive to validate the images of LGBT people that they are just like everyone else in the society except for their sexual orientations, which should be respected by others just as LGBT people respect heterosexual relationships. LGBT people have all the obligations that heterosexuals do, therefore, LGBT people deserve the equal rights as well. Period.
Despite all the victories we, LGBT people, have achieved so far, we still have a long journey to go to protect our rights and to preserve our quality of life that are, unfortunately and continuously barricaded by some fascists and conservatives in the straight-dominated society.
It is very sad to learn that on Oct. 6, President Bush endorsed his support for the anti-gay proclamation about the Marriage Protection Week, slated for October 12-18. His bigotry misleads many American people and further renders repression on the innocent LGBT population. It is not understood why such uncivilized and primitive thoughts and behaviors are of someone in the highest power of the so-called “freest?country.
It is because of those who are so close-minded and afraid of different rising social powers, like LGBT rights, these conservatives?anti-gay actions shamefully connote their weak egos, which constantly seek self-defense and self-protection to mask their anxiety by opposing whatever that contradicts their traditional values. Therefore, they exert illogical and inhumane oppression on other minority groups. These anti-gay actions are too cruel to be tolerated of their existence in such a modern and liberal world. These right-wing people create narcissistic injuries on others because they are not developed complete enough to match with the “pinnacle of evolution?that LGBT people possess. I hope history and time will eventually give LGBT people the social justice we should have already had long time ago. In order to progress in the positive and healthy direction for our community, we must take whatever efforts to make us visible by coming out to let the world know that we are human beings who are empathic and healthy and deserve our dignity to be who we are. This is not only for us, but also, it is for our future LGBT generations and other minority and disadvantaged groups. Folks, let’s come out and show our pride right here right now!
-
Alice on Oct. 11, 2003 in Los Angeles
|
-
The National Coming Out Day in 2002
-
During the past year, I struggled from the beginning about my self-acceptance as a lesbian to my recent contemplation of the importance of being out to my parents and my close friends just to be honest with both them and myself. Unfortunately, my progress has been slow that at the moment, the only straight person to know the real me is just my mother. Sadly, the process of being out to my mom was really a nightmare and although, mother has been calmer recently, we are still very sensitive whenever our conversation touches on my sexual orientation.
-
-
Being a graduate student in the US, I am lucky to have an easy access to many LGBT resources both on and off campus; therefore, I know that I am not alone in the struggles of coming out. Also, I get to read magazines, books, journals, internet websites, etc., exposing me to the LGBT community without being visible at first. All these little steps really help and promote my pride.
-
-
It was just a few weeks ago, I realized that the 14th National Coming Out Day would be here soon. I believed it would be a wonderful opportunity to make the community more visible and let the general public be more aware of the existence of gays and lesbians, just no difference from the heterosexual population.
-
-
The first time in my life, I want to take the advantage of this significant Day to be proud of being a part of the LGBT community. I, days ago, wrote my own coming out story to the Human Rights Campaign
(HRC) as my first step to be out at the public level. I believe our community needs our every little effort to let the world know that we are their families and friends rather than their enemies whom they stereotypically discriminate or defame. In order to reverse the incorrect notion imposed upon us, we need to show the real us and the positive LGBT community that should not be wrongly equated to the behavioral misconduct or perversion.
-
-
It was really the society that made me feel guilty when I first discovered my homosexual orientation. Now, I am no more ashamed or afraid of letting people know about my true self. I do not expect everybody to accept me, but rather I just simply want to be an honest person with my pride.
-
-
Finally, I want to thank my partner, who always gives me her unlimited love and support. Without her, I wouldn't be this bright and confident about myself; without her love, I would have never known and tasted the sweetness in my life.
Alice on Oct. 11, 2002 in Los Angeles
|
